Erin
My past year as a freshman student at Emerson College has definitely been an interesting one. I went in with a fresh start, not knowing a single soul with the hopes of reinventing myself. This is one of the beauties of going to college. You have this canvas of possibilities dedicated to finding yourself and growing into the person you were meant to become. Now is the time where you study what you genuinely want to study, and you are surrounded by people who challenge you. It is a really unique chapter in your life, and it isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to maneuver.
That being said, I didn’t have the easiest first year, and most people don’t. Most people go into college expecting this drastic life change, and suddenly all of their problems will be solved. But this isn’t usually the case. I hoped that maybe my social anxiety wouldn’t be as bad once I made friends. I thought that I might become more of a socialite like I had always wanted to be. I thought that I could make a bunch of new friends, and that it would be easy. But that is not what happened.
I was kind of a loner my first semester. My only friends were a few of my suitemates, and some of their friends. It was nice and I really liked them, and still do, but I didn’t have a singular person that I could confide in like I had been used to. I ended up completely closing myself off and doubting every move I made.
I also made the mistake of not joining any clubs. I had found a few that I was interested during the org fair, but I was too nervous to attend any meetings, so I didn’t. I put all of my effort into my schoolwork, which while that was a good thing, I was lonely. It got to the point where I didn’t feel wanted by anyone, and to top it all off one of my suitemates became intolerable and manipulative. It became difficult for me to live in my own space, but for some reason I knew that Emerson was the place for me.
Being on my own allowed me to grow into the person I have always been too afraid to show the world. I learned to embrace my ironic aesthetic that includes wearing crocs, mom jeans, and funky socks. When I wear these clothes I feel like myself, and I feel comfortable. Before I got to college I conformed to what everyone else wore, which caused me to lose sense of my own identity. But being at school allowed me to be more expressive and wear the clothes that make me, me. I learned that truly anyone can pull off any piece of clothing or hairstyle if you are confident enough in your decision. (Psst, this goes for more than just clothes!)
Despite my piece-of-shit first semester and lack of real friendships, I knew that I was supposed to be here. I came back after winter break determined to have a better experience my second semester. I forced myself to socialize more, as difficult as that was, and I joined a couple of clubs. It was a real struggle to muster up the courage to simply attend these meetings, but I am eternally grateful that I did. While not quite there yet, I am so happy with the person I became this past semester and for all of the personal obstacles I overcame to make it to this place, as little as they may seem.
So this story is not just for all of you with anxiety, this is also for anyone nervous about coming to college. It’s a difficult adjustment, that is simply fact, but no one said it was going to be easy. Use this time to find yourself and your confidence. If you ever feel like no one believes in you, I do, and I truly mean that.